Dangerous Words
By Rhonda Finnis

Words can be very dangerous. This is something we forget far too often.

You’ve probably heard the 7:38:55 rule regarding words: tone: body language. The numbers, from a controlled research study conducted in the 1960s, imply that a person’s tone and body language have a greater effect on communication than the words being used. However, this study is often misunderstood and frequently misrepresented in training courses.

There are a number of reasons why the research findings may be irrelevant to many of the conversations we have today. For instance: technology, emotion and especially the words themselves all have an effect on the message that is being communicated, and these factors must be taken into account by the person who is communicating.

When there is tension in communication, words and tone have a greater effect on the message being communicated. Also, words do not always account for a mere 7 per cent of the message. While in some situations that may be accurate, in other situations words aren’t necessary at all. Some words are off the radar when it comes to the impact they achieve:

• “You’re fired.”
• “I don’t love you any more.”
• “You have cancer.”
• ”You’ve just won a million dollars.”

Emotional words and emotional situations increase the impact of the message dramatically. Are you aware that in emotional situations what you are saying is extremely important, and that your intent is not enough to ensure the correct delivery of your message?

Whenever someone makes an emotional statement, their words will have a much greater impact than the speaker usually intends them to have.

Even if using perfect tonality, the friendliest and most open body language around and a wide smile, if you were telling someone she had cancer, is there any way those words would be the least important part of your message? Of course not.

We need to slow down and think about the emotional impact of the messages we are sending. We need to stop believing that what we say isn’t very important, as long as we say it the right way. I believe that tone and body language are important, but that the words we use are also extremely important.

“I love you” is positive emotional language, whereas “I hate you” is very negative emotional language. While we know the importance of positive language, the negative tends to have a much deeper impact. Words that have any negative emotional connotation are potentially very dangerous.

So ask yourself:

• Is what I am saying emotional, either positive or negative? If so, ensure you have the correct word choice, and pay special attention to your tone of voice.
• What is the intent of your message? When using emotional words or in emotional situations we need to be perfectly clear about the message we are trying to communicate.
• Am I thinking through the potential impact this will have? Is the other person potentially more emotional about this situation than I am?

Many of us need to ensure that before the words come out of our mouth, we have let them simmer in our brain for awhile. Slow down your speaking process and turn up your emotional awareness.

Words can cause hurt and pain, and they are impossible to take back. Slow down, and be sure to never regret what you say.